5 Key Steps to Prepare Yourself to Divorce a Narcissist

One of the most frequent questions I am asked in my initial client consultations is whether I have any experience handling cases involving a narcissistic partner. In my almost 25 years of practicing family law, I often have to negotiate with or litigate against a narcissist. Because of the narcissist’s extreme sense of self-importance, lack of empathy and tendency to control and manipulate others, cases involving narcissists can be some of the most challenging legally and emotionally. Here are my top tips for dealing with a narcissist in the divorce process:

1.      Educate Yourself: The first step in divorcing a narcissist is to educate yourself about the nature of their personality disorder. Narcissists are often skilled manipulators who use every tactic at their disposal to maintain control over their partner including gaslighting, lying, distortion campaigns and playing the victim. Read books or speak to a mental health professional who can help you understand your partner and your relationship;

2.      Build A Support System: This can include a therapist, support group, friends or family who can provide emotional support and help you navigate the legal process and the emotional challenges of divorcing a difficult partner.  These healthy connections can help you with the emotional regulation and boundary setting that is necessary to deal with a narcissistic partner;

3.      Learn to Set Healthy Boundaries: Narcissists are often skilled at pushing boundaries and will try to control and manipulate their partners during and even after divorce.  It is important to learn how to disengage from the narcissist’s manipulations that often pull their partners into unnecessary drama and legal proceedings that increase the cost and the length of divorce proceedings;

4.      Resource Yourself: It is essential to take care of yourself emotionally and physically during the divorce process, but especially when divorcing a narcissist.  Often a narcissist will attempt to manipulate their partner in appearing to be the “crazy” one in a divorce or the less capable parent.  It is important to fill your emotional and physical tank with healthy resourcing in order to have the stamina necessary to fight a narcissist in a divorce proceeding. Its crucial to make time for self-care including exercise, healthy eating, connection with friends and activities that bring you joy;

5.      Find An Experienced Attorney: Narcissists are often highly litigious with a “burn it all down” mentality that they use to exhaust their partners into disadvantageous settlements or outcomes.  They often use the court system and divorce process as a way to continue to control and manipulate their partner. Its essential to have a good attorney who understands the dynamics of narcissistic personality disorder and who can advocate for your rights in Court as well as help guide you through litigating and negotiating with a narcissist.

For getting help with your difficult divorce proceeding or finding out more information about divorcing a narcissist please reach out to our experienced practice for help.  Please contact Georgia Fraser, Esq. of Fraser Family Law Office at (609)223-2099.